24.4.12

just a little prayer for him...

Meski debu menutup hati,
meski dosa menggunung tinggi,
meski ku tak layak meminta...
Dengan segala kerendahan hati, 
kumohon ya Rabb...
Jagalah dia yang pernah jadi bagian dari hidupku,
yang pernah mengisi separuh hatiku,
yang pernah ada dalam rencana-rencana masa depanku...


Ya Rabb...
Bahagiakanlah dia,
tetapkanlah hatinya,
rukunkanlah rumah-tangganya,
panjangkanlah jodohnya,
limpahkanlah baginya serta keluarganya rezeki yang Engkau ridhai,
berkahilah sisa umurnya...


Ya Rabb...
Meski budi dibawa mati, 
kumohon bukakanlah hatinya untuk dapat mengikhlaskan segala budi yang pernah ia berikan kepadaku...
Insya Allah, ku telah ikhlaskan semua budi yang telah kuberikan kepadanya...


Ya Rabb...
Lapangkanlah hatinya untuk dapat memaafkanku,
atas segala tindakan kasar yang telah menyakitinya,
semua ucapan kasar yang telah membuat torehan luka dihatinya,
semua sumpah serapah yang telah ku lontarkan kepadanya...
Insya Allah, telah kumaafkan segala khilaf dan salahnya kepadaku...


Ya Rabb...
Tolong tutuplah semua pintu yang mengarah kepadanya, 
telah kuikhlaskan semuanya...
Kumohon, tutuplah cerita ini dengan sesuatu yang baik, 
tanpa hutang budi, tanpa dendam, tanpa beban di hati...


Amiin...


Ketika tamu tak diundang tiba...
Aku mungkin takut.
Aku mungkin tersenyum atau berkata:
Hariku telah berjalan baik, biarkan malam tiba.
Ladang telah dibajak, rumah sudah bersih, meja telah diatur,
dan semua ada pada tempatnya.


"The Zahir - Paulo Coelho"

17.3.12

leere Träumen


Wenn wir uns wieder treffen,
Gibt’s nie wieder Weinen
Wenn wir uns wieder treffen,
Gibt’s nie wieder Leiden
Verspreche ich

Aber mein Lieber…

Darf ich das Traum haben?
Bitte... nur ein Traum
In dem nur du und ich liegen
die Schmetterling und auch Blümen
Die Früchte auf die Korben
Mit der Sterne unser Dach verzieren
Und weiße Sand unser Boden bedecken

Das ist mein Traum, leider nicht dein
Du hast eigenes Traum, allein
In dem ich keine Rolle spiele
Dann meine Seele ist leer
Denn die Ersetzung vorhanden sein

Wenn oh wenn…
Ich kann nur Träumen
Um die Zeit an uns kommen
und die Liebe wieder fühlen

30.10.11

Unforgettable Day

Its 29.10.2011. Actually, nothing special on this day, its just like the other days, wake up late cause i also sleep at dawn, and opening my day with many task around my desk.


Yes, i have to re arrange all the schedule, the copy writer that can't come, the translator that can't finished the job on the time, and the voice over that have to fly to Paris. Wow it might be simple to all that things, its only three tasks, but it isn't as simple as it see. Its a lot of works. Ah i was forgot, there is one more thing, the t shirt. Ehm, four tasks...


So after i was opened my eyes, which actually i have plan to spent another minutes to closed those two eyes, i run into kitchen downstairs and realize that i have so much to do. Thanks God, i still have siomay from yesterday, i bought it near Busway shelter, on my way home from ILO office Jakarta. I just put siomay into microwave and enjoy my brunch.


Then i opened the laptop, God... i still have to upload those documentary film, so i can send it by e mail to the translator and the voice over. Where the hell are the men who suppose to do this things?? I already told him hundred times, and he only can say yes, you done a great job, man.. i don't need that, i just need all the files on small size so i can send it by e mail. But he wasn't there.


Ok, its mean that i have to do all this things alone, that's ok, i'm sure i can do this things. So uncle google, i think i'm gonna need you this time, so just like the other times actually :D
While i'm googling, i try to call all the people who get involved in my tasks. I also write an e mail to the t shirt client who already waiting for confirmation for so long. One task is done.


But i still got three task, and uncle google cant find the tools that i'm looking for, the tools that can convert big size data to a smaller one. Thanks God, the editors can come to the office, they are my saviors, for today at least. So i wont need uncle google anymore. So i can finished all three task in one row, well done. Still i have to wait actually, til the editor finished the job and i can send it to the person who take in charge.
So i think, massage would be great, so i called the masseur to my place. And the story begin...


I don't know, should i thanks to God, or regret it, i got talk active masseur, please... i need my quiet and peaceful time, but i cant had it. She start to ask my age and as usual, after i answer it, they always have further question, why i'm still single not getting married. Its none of your business actually, but since i'm a nice person and try not hurt anybody, i just smile and say, i don't know, but nobody asked me to marry. Then she say, its because you are so picky. Am i?? I start to questioning myself. If too picky include 70 years old wolf who asked me to teach bahasa so he can touch my body, nomadic guy that can't settle his own life, or someone who only text me several times just for asking my address, well i will say yes, i'm too picky. But come one, should i give respond to these three kinds of men?? I don't think so. Then i made my own conclusion, that i'm not too picky.


Massage session is ended and i continue my first plan, is to relax. But night isn't over yet, one of my friends ask me to go out. I know its Saturday night, but i don't wanna go out, just wanna spent the night at home, watching dvd or something. But after she convince me that we gonna have a good time, i decided to take the invitation, beside i never go out at night by my self for almost one year, who know i can find 'the one' that i looking for. So i start to prepare my self, take a bath, pick a dress, reserve cab and start to put all make up on my face. My friend keep asking me, what time will i leave, what am i wearing, its sound that she doesn't believe at me. So i told her that i will come, i'm ready just waiting for the cab.


22:30 WIB, cab is arrived and i'm going to Mc Donald Kemang. On the way to Kemang, the driver start to make a conversation. There's not a problem at all, until he ask me, how old i am. God, i never had a problem with my age, but i know this question will ended on the same things, about marriage. But i'm still answering that question. And as i already guess, he ask me about my status, and i'm answering that i'm still single. And he start to talk bla bla bla, that i'm too picky and soon, and soon. Yes he doesn't know me at all, and i suppose to ignore it, but still its make me wondering, is there something wrong with me?
So i'm trying not to make this conversation any longer. Bu then the driver ask me, the type of someone that i'm looking for. I said, i don't have any specific type. So he started to tell about him self and everybody suggest him to get divorce so he can start to looking for another girl to be his next wife, if he want to have a better life. Then he ask me, how about married guy or someone who have plan to divorce his wife? Of course, i said big NO. Then i start to think, Oh my God, what he gonna do?? Does he try to seduce me? Oh God, please help...


On that awkward and scary situation, i got message from my friend, that her Mom doesn't allowed her to go out late at night. What??? I wanna scream, what's on her mind?? She push me to company her to attend this party and now she's canceled it?? I hate her, this gonna be a worst night ever, and i will never ever wanna meet her again. So i told her, if she wont come, i'll just going back at home. So i start to make a quick plan while i wait her answer. I'll still go to Mc Donald, eat something and go home cause i don't wanna use the same cab. But then she say, ok i'm coming but can i stay at your home? Oh God what else?? If i live at my own place, i will say yes of course, but the fact is, i live at friends house. So i say if you don't afraid of the dog, just trying to make her doesn't wanna stay at my place. But she say nothing, so i just wait her at Mc Donald, gambling with my own decision, i'm not sure that she will come but still i'm waiting for her. An hour later she come, and we are going together to the party, at last.


We stay at that place until 4:00 am, and i said that we have to go home cause i still have a lot of things to do, and we were going home. Because we only get one cab, she said she will come with me first until she can find another cab. So i agree, thanks God, she decided to go home and not stay at my place.


After she found the cab, we go separately. And here we go again, just two of us, the driver and my self. As usually the driver start to open conversation. He talk about his family, his past life etc..etc... I just try to stay calm. Oh this night is an unforgettable night, and i'm so tired, just wanna go home and sleep. So i'm not paying full attention to listening his story. But then he ask my age. Whats wrong with this day?? Why everybody have the same question?? And yes, he also asking me, about my marital status. After he got my answer, then he told me that he's friend, who also a taxi driver are looking for a future wife. He wanna get divorce cause he had a materialistic wife. I just smile. Then he said, just give me your name and phone number so i can give it to my friend. Oh My God, do i look desperate? why everybody suddenly offering me husband?? whats wrong with this day?? Are all of the taxi driver got insane? So I said, i am much worst than his first wife, if his wife can make him wanna jump off the bridge, with me, he will regret that he ever live in this world and he gonna blame you cause you already give him my number. Beside, do you think i'm going to give it easily?


Not far from my place, the driver ask me, do you like coffee? I said why? He said if you have coffee at your place, can i have some?? Are you kidding me?? Then i said yes i have coffee but not a chance for stranger like you to come to my place and have a cup of coffee!!!
What a crazy and messy day, Jakarta is a creepy city, i met a real ghost, a true devil, a visible evil spirit. So the lesson for me is never ever walking alone at night, don't treat everybody nice, they will think that you stupid because you are being nice and never talk to stranger. Cause at night everybody become a demon. Happy Halloween!!!!


Emerald Townhouse
30 Oktober 2011

23.5.11

Raindrops...

Senja datang menyusup ke dalam
aku diam tak berakal
Jiwa menjerit seolah janggal
Nalar terpacu menentang ajal
Dimanakah kasih itu?
How can I reach You?

Pagi menjelang,
Cahaya benderang merasuk jiwa sang Pengkhayal,
Aku luluh, Aku basuh, Aku patuh
Thank You God, I finally found You...

Naluri...

Kucoba menorehkan kata
Mengungkapkan kekecewaan hati
Kutahu ku bukan yang terbaik,
tapi aku selalu berusaha untuk berdiri dan berjalan
untuk terus menjadi yang terbaik

Maafkan aku kekasihku
untuk tidak memberi teladan
sehingga kau menjadi seperti ini

Kau telah pilih jalanmu sendiri
tersesat di hutan belantara
Kutahu itu bukan salahku
Kusadar ini bukan yang kumau
Tapi telah kau pilih jalanmu


11. 09. 2008

22.5.11

Thanking You


terima kasih telah menghiasi hari-hari dengan kata-kata busuk...
terima kasih telah membuatku terbiasa mengucapkan kata-kata busuk sehingga aku lebih fasih melafalkannya...
terima kasih untuk perlakuan kasar...
menyelesaikan semuanya dengan kekerasan...
sehingga aku lebih kasar lagi dan menyelesaikan masalah dengan kekerasan...
lebih keras hidup seseorang memang bisa membuat seseorang lebih kuat dan bertahan...
tapi terima kasih...
hidupku memang sudah keras...
masalah hidup pun datang silih berganti...
terima kasih buat semuanya...
terima kasih telah melecehkan secara mental dan fisik...
terima kasih telah datang di kehidupan ini...
meski sekedar untuk melepaskan nafsu belaka...
terima kasih...
terima kasih telah membuatku merasa jadi perempuan terhina...
hingga aku merasa puas jika kau permalukan di depan umum...
terima kasih untuk tidak berusaha menjadi bagian hidup dari keluarga ini...
karena keluarga tidak akan pernah dengan sengaja menyakiti anggota keluarganya...
terima kasih telah merasa nyaman berada di "keluarga" kamu sekarang dan tidak menyertakanku di dalamnya...
terima kasih banyak...
terima kasih telah membantuku untuk mengeluarkan begitu banyak air mata dan kesedihan...yang memang seharusnya terbuang...
hebat memang...

kamu memang motivator yang baik....
meskipun bila dipandang dari sudut antah berantah...

if you don't love and care about me...
please stay away from my personal life...
you don't have to know about me..
much more about me..
just go away...
cause i hate,
when you always want to get involved in every single thing of my life without understanding what the point is.

just go and improve your self..
not for me..
not for your family,
not for your friend...
but just for you...

life is cruel, i know it..

much more i try to loving you, much more you try to hurting me...
even if I'm with you..
it doest mean that i belong to you so you can treat me as you want to...
i just don't understand...
why you treat me like this..

i hate you...
hate you...
hate you...
so i hope you wont hurt me anymore...

Terima kasih telah membuatku membenci manusia..terima kasih telah membuatku seperti ini...
you are my super hero...my great great great superhero
sekali lagi kamu memang motivator yang hebat..
semoga kehebatanmu tidak hanya menjadikan kamu "tukang obat" di jalan...
sekali lagi selamat....

hope you can understand what i'm doing on this past three years!!!!
just remember, i dont want you to come back in my life...
i just want you to feel my pain and understand...

cinta bukan sesuatu yang bisa dipaksakan...
cinta tidak tumbuh dalam sekejap mata...
cinta ada karena terbiasa...
semua itu yang membuatku jatuh dan jatuh lagi di tanganmu..
karena aku terbiasa...
terbiasa menerima dan memaafkan..
but not this time...
kalaupun suatu hari nanti kita bertemu,
kita tidak mengenal satu sama lain...
butuh waktu yang sangat panjang untuk bisa saling mengenal lagi...
You are history

13.5.10

loneliness

Kali ini angin tidak mengabariku.
Aku tahu, kali ini angin tidak berhembus kearahku.
Mengikuti hendaknya, angin berhembus ke tempat yang lebih jauh.
Kemana angin merubah arahnya, aku tak ingin peduli.
Ah...tapi aku mulai merasa gundah...
Bilakah angin berpihak lagi
Semua diluar nalarku...

22.01.2009

Catatan Pinggir...Pinggirkan Sajah...

Es ist schon 06.11. die Zeit ist so schnell vorbei. Ich habe nicht so viel zu erzaehlt. Mein Leben ging einfach weiter. Meine Fingerchen waren verletzt, das ist aber keine wichtige Sache. Ich war bei BNI ATM mit Windi und Mali. Als Ich rein gekommen bin, ploetzlich meine Fingerchen war eingeklemmt..Mannoooo..Es tut mir schrecklich weh !! Moechte nie wieder in die BNI ATM rein kommen...
Aber Ich hab andere Nachricht, Ich weiss nicht, ob die eine gute oder schlechte Nachricht ist.
Endlich, Er kommt hier gleich...Juhuuu...Ich weiss nicht, wann kommt Er genau aber bestimmt in kurzer Zeit...Hmmm.. Keine Ahnung...
Kommt dann eine grosse Frage...Soll Ich mich freuen oder soll Ich bereuen?
Er will hier bleiben aber Ich bin nicht ganz sicher ob Er kommt fuer mich oder hat Er andere Planung??
Will Er mich heiraten oder muss Ich ander Mann suchen? Ich kann nicht mehr so lange warten, Alles muss immer klar sein. Liebe ist keine Abenteuer. Obwohl Ich mag sehr Abenteuer so wie Liebe. Aber Liebe und Abenteuer passt nicht zusammen!!
Kann Ich aber wieder an Jemand verknallt? Das weiss Ich auch nicht.
Ich und Er, Wir haben grosse Schlucht. Manchmal spricht er die wahrheit und die sind richtig. Aber selten habe Ich mit ihm einverstanden.
Er hat einfach verschiedene Meinungen so wie Ich. Was soll denn? Man sind so wie so unterschiedlich oder??
Ich hoffe alles wird fit im Schritt.
Ya Allah, wenn wir Passend, dann macht ihn viel naehe, aber wenn Er nicht Passend, dann gibt uns eine gute Loesung.

Pantai Saba, 06.11.2008